Peruvian Venture: Death and Rebirth

The last 10 days have been the most intense, inspirational, and spiritual experience in my entire life. I just returned from an incredible shamanic tour in the middle of the amazonian jungle, an hour drive from the nearest city. Serendipity brought me into this journey. Simon's childhood friend Hamilton moved to Peru to find a shaman and found himself following the path to become a maestro shaman himself, to heal (both physically and mentally), to learn, and to straighten one's spiritual energies. And 10 years later, he's built this amazing place where people from all over the world travel to for healing. And I kinda came along for the ride because Simon wanted to visit his buddy. Accommodations were posh relative to the living conditions that most peruvians live in - we had a shower (though only cold water), actual flushing toilets under a septic tank system, a bungalow to sleep in, but no electricity or heat (not that you need it)....but it was an absolutely beautiful, serene, and peaceful place.

I came here thinking that, yeah, it's another experience and that I had ideas, concepts, and emotional grounding in my life all figured out. And to be honest, I didn't think it would change me very much based on all I knew about this stuff, and that I thought I was spiritually mature, and part of me thought it was mumble jumble. But I was shown otherwise. The group was a collective 22 bodies, with 2 maestro shamans and 4 apprentices (or shamans in training) to aide and guide us throughout the week. 5 of the 10 nights in the week, there were ceremonies where we drank ayahuasca, or spirit of the vine, the medicine that helps us through the healing. It's a concoction made up of bark and leaves from particular trees in the jungle, boiled for a full day, then strained and reduced to a thick goopy sludge (we actually collected and made the stuff we drank). It's a drink that most people find foul, but I thought it tasted just like this herbal medicine my mom had us drink when we were kids. yum yum.

This stuff forces you to face your deepest and darkest thoughts, experiences, and emotions. It's a connection to the recesses of your mind that even you may not know about, your sense of self, your beliefs in the world, of humanity, of the infinite universe, and all the energies around you. It makes you purge all the crossed energies that you get from daily life, from stress, from bad feelings, from traumas, etc. The first 3 ceremonies were beautiful for me. This medicine reaches down into your soul and I gained a lot of insights about my life, asked a lot of questions of reality, of truth, of light, of meaning and truly received knowledge about the infinite.

But I also faced the single most intensely painful experience in my entire life, where I literally thought I lost my mind, my sense of self, my sense of being, and my faith in the world. And that night, the night of the 4th ceremony, was when I was awakened. I was put in my own personal hell, a place where I thought I had no control, no help, no love, no nothing...just emptiness. But I asked for it. I willed it to happen. I wanted to test my limits, and I tell you they were surely tested. It's difficult to describe these experiences in words because the emotion and feeling I went through were so intense and it's difficult for someone outside of your mind to fully understand the context. I literally thought I wouldn't be able to survive and that I was going to die. And the only way I survived was when Hamilton sat beside me and pushed whatever dark spirit was in my soul and guided me out of my abyss. I learned humility, and most importantly, the ability to ask for help - something that I do little of in my life - and love...love for this world, the people on it, the beauty around, and living. To truly open your heart and soul to truth and understanding and simply knowing is difficult to do. In order to face adversity, we must face ourselves and embrace all that comes towards us, even if things are hard. We can't truly understand love unless we face suffering, and to test our limits. It's difficult to be non-judgmental, trustful, and open hearted. We're constantly faced with the notion of being better, always comparing ourselves to other people, what we have and don't have, when really all that we already have IS enough. We just need to accept it. And through the rough time I experienced, I also experienced true happiness, ecstasy, and bliss, in it's purest form - happiness as it exists without bias, influence, thought, or intention. It was at that moment when I found inner place and it was beautiful. Unbelievable. And THAT, was an unforgettable trip. And through it all, I met and got to know a group of incredible and wonderful people, many of whom I'll keep in contact with for the rest of my life.

There's so much more I want to say, but time is short and I'll save for another day.

And now, I've returned from the jungle back to the hustle and bustle of Iquitos. It's strange being back in civilization, but I feel that I've been given a gift of new life. Even the daunting task of communicating with locals doesn't seem as tough (neither Simon nor I speak spanish). I just trust that pointing fingers and a game of charades will pull us through the rest of the trip. Hopefully I won't be eating anything too scary...but I'm a daring person.

Next stop: Cuzco and Machu Pichhu